Tag Archives: 2014

And Now for Something Completely Different…

Huzzah! It is the hour to head towards the hectic holiday season, having hoards of happy hands held out behind hollering humans, hovering, haggling and heckling, hastily hurrying as if hounds hatched at their heels.

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I, a hapless yet hopeful henchmen of a hypothetical heroic homage, henceforth honour a healthy hiatus of this hungry highlife and in happenstance, hope to have heaps of hypnotic hugs that heat the hesitant heart to hindered hindgut.

Happy Holidays!

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From Coffee and Turtlenecks

xx – Hailey Jane

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Goo Hoarders Anonymous

“What is it with women? By far the strangest thing about them, of all the things, is their propensity to hoard ‘Goo’.”

– Boyfriend being terribly honest

Only just now I noticed the extent of my habit, as I went to shower and reached for no less than the following products:

Sephora Cleansing Milk

Clagon Lavender Honey bath salts

Balea Ginsing Face Mask

Skintimate Aloe Vitamin E Shave Cream

iSo Toning Violet Shampoo

Joico K-Pak Reconstructing Conditioner

Olay Cucumber Body Wash

Clinique Dry Combination Skin Toner

No7 Protect and Perfect Day Cream

And I haven’t even thought about doing my makeup yet! (Which is another shitshow of powdery, gooey ridiculousness)

And look at what I did at Sephora by accident a while ago!?! Completely powerless!

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I have no idea why it’s so difficult to simplify the bathing and beauty process. My Boyfriend has one product for literally everything, and if he could get away with not using it, he would.

I have developed the inability to pass up purchasing fancy bottles of wet, empty, promises; compacts of pressed uncertainty, and tubes of pearlescent regret. Not to mention the landslide of white creamy jars of mystery goo that every company is toting as the next big miracle.

Even Queen Jenna Marbles admits to being a ‘Goo hoarder’, and I would easily believe a scary amount of the female and male populous is in the same, rather tippy, boat.

Why do I need these things? Why do I keep wanting more and more of basically the same brownish powders, thinking the next thing will be the last I’ll ever want? Who knows… (I ponder as I happily browse the MAC website for quads and brushes…) Is there a support group for this I wonder? Probably Youtube….but tutorial videos only make my habit worse.

There are upsides to this condition, which I’ve ardently rationalized to myself, of course.  I don’t have to worry about how big my arms or thighs may look in a particular lipstick, make-up fits everyone! It’s also a fun and exciting purchase that really doesn’t take up a lot of space. Some people may not see this as an upside, but as a human being who just moved every single item she owns into storage or a small bedroom, tiny yet nice things suddenly have a certain pleasant appeal.

The long as short of it is, it’s a thing the world wants us to do, and the majority of us are more than happy to play along. It’s no more useless than the parts for broken cars my Boyfriend buys, or the plants my mother puts in the garden every year that will inevitably die in the fall. If it makes us happy and doesn’t hurt, or even really bother anyone else, then that is reason enough to continue our business in the gooey bubble that is our lives.

Goo hoarders rejoice, and embrace our slippery, sparkly way of life!

-Hailey Jane

No Judging!

xx