Welcome to 2015 and to start the year on a potentially offensive note, here is a quick list of things we should really outgrow in the year 2015. Let’s begin!
I’m SO done with everything being covered in dirty brown sheets designed to cover trees and hold potatoes. This post-apocalyptic inspired style should have ended along with the Cold War. What’s next? Burlap Prom dresses?
As an actual person from the ‘country’ I’m hoping this ‘Redneck-Chic’ trend flies out the window with the bathwater. Speaking of bathwater….
Is it Grey? is it Beige? No one knows! How trendy, am I right? I am not right…it’s terrible. If not having been exacerbated by every single interior photo on Pinterest, this “colour”, if I may use the term loosely, has been a constant soul shattering staple of 2014. Grey is fine, lovely cool tones are a really great way to add a clean and calm atmosphere to a room. Beige is great, a lovely warm variant of white that can add a homey feel to the most dismal of apartments. But ‘Greige’! Come on people…pick a side!
It just looks muddy and unflattering even in the best of lights. Like the powdered skin of the freshly deceased, we should probably bury this colour in the dirt, where it belongs.
3. Mason Jars
Who knew you could use them for so many different and useful things? I didn’t, because we cant! They’re used for, at the very best…canning, and the very worst, drinking out of when the rest of your dishes are dirty. I have some unfortunate news for you, those ‘cute’ make-up brush organizers you made in your bathroom? They’re ugly. Those lights you rigged up, hanging on your porch outside?…They’re also ugly. Those pencil holders, hand soap pumps, embossed vases, candle holders, terrariums, fucking blender attachments…guess what? They’re all UGLY.
If this were a post called ‘The top five ways to instantly cheapen the look of your home”, then by god this would be number one. You’re not on social assistance, don’t act like it’s cool if you were.
4. Chalkboard Everything
If you want to dust your home every single day, then by all means, go right ahead and paint that entire wall with chalkboard paint! While you’re at it, why not paint your cabinets, the television screen, THE FUCKING REFRIGERATOR!
I kid you not…someone thought instead of opting for a decent looking used fridge, they would buy the cheapest one they could find, and then spend however much they’re gouging us for on chalk paint, to paint a refrigerator. I don’t even know what to say to these people. Maybe you should discipline your kids and not have them think it’s OK to write all over the walls and appliances. Guess who’s not getting invited to Christmas next year… Just sayin’.
5. Ratchet DIY and Up-Cycling
This has been an overarching theme of 2014 across the board. Recovering and re-purposing the old, turning it into something magical and new. Which in theory is great…but in practice (and the wrong hands) is a disaster. Much like Communism.
The recession is over people, you don’t have to make jewelry out of bottle caps any more! Nor light fixtures out of wine bottles, or candles out of liqueur bottles! Your friends are going to start to think you have a drinking problem with all of the alcoholic paraphernalia littered throughout your home. And I specifically use the word ‘Littered’ here. As a personal connoisseur of alcoholic libations, I would much rather see these things actually recycled and put to better use, like refilled, with more booze, and given to me.
It doesn’t end there my friends, a quick internet search will find you in the midst of junkyard chic apartments, couches out of oil drums, car tire ottomans, pop tab lamp shades, and cheese grater flower boxes. I am at a loss of words… Wait, that’s a lie, I’m never at a loss for words. I could do a whole post on the crazy things people come up with and feel compelled to share with the world. T-Shirt dresses, crayon lipstick, circuit board running shoes, piano bookshelf. Those words don’t even go together?!
Essentially, it is all a matter of style and the occasional item can be reused in a new and useful way without being eye-bleedingly horrendous like that chair. I think the message I want to convey here is to ‘Think before you UpCycle.”
This has been the top five things that should be outgrown in 2015, I hope you find humour in my words and not be offended if you’re particularly into any of the above-mentioned crimes. Just know, an invitation to Christmas next year is on the table. Your choice.
Stay tuned for part 2, “Five Things We Should Keep around for 2015”